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Tuesday, 5 November 2013

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Mallukutti Days
April 26, 2011
The low down on being a mallu living in mallu land, without dying laughing.
Why do people look at the content of their handkerchief just after they have blown their nose in it?
What do they hope to find?
Oh, there you are ! I was wondering where you went.
Why do they do that?
I was at a party some time back and there was this woman who sneezed into her handkerchief and then looked at it before folding it and pocketing it.What do you expect to come out of your nose? Your brains?
People are funny. You can’t help but like them. Even if they are just viruses. (yep its not virii; that just sounds plain stupid)
My favorite specimen as you know are the Mallus. I can’t help it, they are just too adorable.
If you want to get out of a self induced depression go to Kerala. Its the funniest place ever. There are no depressed Keralites in Kerala; they have all killed themselves. It has the highest suicide rate in the whole of India. Now there only remain happy mallus.
Come on, you can’t take a place that is named after a coconut tree serious!
Ever noticed a mallu on a mobile phone?
I am sure you have.
By now you along with all the people in a 3 miles radius from him will know that his father is going through a by pass and that gopalettan, his brother-in-law, is a drunkard and that he is much better after his piles operation.
My younger brother says that America has its CIA, the Russians their KGB, the Chinese their Kang Sheng and India has mallus.
You want information, ask a mallu.
They know everything.
From what your father did in 1947, to your favorite sexual position. Which is funny since, if you have ever had the misfortune to watch mallu porn, you will notice that apart from the missionary position and the accompanied breast kneading, mallus dont seem to have any other positions.
I have been told once that the term mallu is very degrading. Buddy, Nigger is degrading, mallu is an upgrade. I mean, would you rather be called a Keralite, which in reality means a Coconut Head? I don’t know pal; I think I will stick to mallu. It sounds more appropriate.
We hold hands.
I recall once when my sister-in-law, who is German, came down to Kerala and thought that we are all gay.
You see two guys walking down the street holding hands, its natural that you will assume this. But this is Kerala. In Malluland we hold hands and we are 'just friends'. Really. This is also why, if you are a mallu and gay, you have to resort to acting like a girl.
The hand holding was already taken.
It is uncomfortable to watch a man with a mustache acting like a girl.
On second thoughts, I think I will retract that statement, since mallu girls have mustaches. Some of them even have a beard. I think this is why when they travel by the local buses the Mallu men feel them up. I think they are just confirming.
Mallu men have also been unjustly termed as the worst eve teasers in India. I beg to differ. I think eve teasing is a national phenomenon but mallus are just the most unimaginative ones.
Correct me if I am wrong. Which woman out there finds a man, who gives a wolf whistle as you walk by and then makes a comparison of one of your body parts to some vegetable, attractive?
Anyone?
I didn’t think so. Then why in gods name do they always do that? Where did this evolve from? Did it ever work? Was that the mating ritual when we were living in coconut trees before we climbed down and started growing them?
And for heavens sake, whats with the breast kneading?
A European guy once asked me if it is considered impolite to look a mallu girl in the eye. I told him that she will just be surprised.
They are so used to being looked at everywhere but their eyes
Apparently this chap read in some tourist info booklet in Europe that if a mallu girl looks a man in the eye then that means she wants to sleep with him.
Damn.
They knew this is in Europe and we were wasting our time looking everywhere else.
I want to meet the publisher of this guide to Kerala.
I am telling you, its hard to be depressed in Kerala. One day here and I am already cracking up.
Just ignore the pun.
"Malayalees are sex-starved or perverts", says Paul Zacharia, noted writer and social activist. "The journalists don't look at my face but at my breasts", the reason given by Arundhathi Roy for refusing to attend a press conference in Kerala.
What does the tailpiece read?
Haven't we had enough of this gelling together of the apparently all-too-global nature of the 'malayalees' or rather should I use the term "mallu" when I speak about forbidden impulses and rot behaviour? Some people suddenly seem to grow a tongue encircling their throat when they speak about the 'mallu' sexuality and perversion. Now why is that?
Is it because of the seemingly endemic character of the mallu-men to ogle and drool at women, whichever part of the world they are?
Is it because of the stereotypical paradigm created by the old Malayalam movies, which were too bold and 'un-natural' for the rest of the nation?
Or is it because of these women, perhaps? Especially the one with that thunder thighs who rejuvenated and reinforced the above mentioned mallu prototype.
Or may be it is because of the omnipresent nature of the mallu to investigate what's brewing hot in his neighbour's backyard and bedroom?
Whatever, the search engines display an all too obvious caricature of the quintessential 'mallu', a comfy aperçu for the 'malayalee' or rather for the Keralite.

Mallu Aunty Photos Gallery Hot Sexy Wallpapers Hot Images Pics free 2013